Character Distilled: Are Patterns at 40 Etched in Stone at 70?

And it happened again. I fell into my old, familiar pattern of thinking. Which led to the same, predictable outcome of angry frustration. Ever since high school (and probably before that), I’ve had a pronounced tendency to get zeroed in on a particular agenda of things I really think I need to get done. Steadfast pursuit of worthwhile goals can be a positive trait…sometimes.

When something hinders that agenda, I tend to get annoyed, overwhelmed, and sometimes even despairing. This is a characterological pattern in my life. I revert back to it all too often. Characterological. This mouthful of a word means relating to a person’s character. It can be accurately applied to flaws or strengths, but in order to be characterological, these tendencies must be deep-seated.

character tendencies

Signs of characterological patterns seem to emerge when we are young. Perhaps you’ve noticed that some children tend toward shyness and nervousness. Others are naturally inclined to be outgoing and intrepid. These natural inclinations can either be discouraged or reinforced by circumstances and the people with whom we interact.

We all have characterological tendencies. Chances are, you are well aware of your own, whether positive or negative. Are you a people pleaser? A trusting person? Naturally kind and thoughtful? Or cynical? Do you tend to see the bright side of things? Do you form friendships easily? Are you a naturally observant person? We could go on and on. These natural tendencies strongly influence our actions and our choices, as well as the kind of character we develop.

While these natural tendencies can tend toward either positive or negative character traits, I’d like to explore the damaging side. Negative qualities and patterns tend to be more pronounced in our lives. And more defining.

character distilled

Jean Fleming, in her book Pursue the Intentional Life, makes this candid observation:

“The truth is that, all things unchanged, the women we will be at seventy, eighty, and ninety are the women we are at forty and fifty – only distilled. Have you noticed that the flaws and weaknesses of a forty-year-old concentrate with age? A complainer at forty will, with much practice, engrave the response in his or her bones by seventy. Self-centeredness will intensify. Bitterness, allowed to take root and grow over the decades, engulfs and consumes in advanced age. Anyone living a frittering existence at thirty will, apart from serious course correction, end up frittering away an entire life.”

She’s so right.

On a recent visit to an assisted living facility, it struck me that a person could sit and visit for hours with some of the sweetest, kindest, and most positive, “look-on-the-bright-side” people in the world, living out the twilight years of their lives with great joy. You could also find some of the most negative, complaining, and bitter people in the world there – only you probably wouldn’t want to visit with them for long. How does that happen? Those characterological traits become distilled over time. Like a path through the woods worn down to bare earth through regular use, what we practice gradually wears into our character.

character diverted

But thankfully, we are not destined to be defined by these natural, negative tendencies. The pattern can be interrupted, the path diverted. When a person becomes a child of God, the Holy Spirit intervenes in our character formation. Through the process of sanctification, he challenges the negative and enhances the positive. God loves us too much to let these traits become ingrained without resisting them.

illustration: Abraham

Scripture contains many examples of this pattern, but I see Abraham as one of the most striking. In spite of his exemplary faith, Abraham revealed a characterological tendency to rely on fleshly tactics to achieve his goals. This sinful bent revealed itself in blatant selfishness and really bad judgment. Consider: not once, but twice, Abraham pressured his wife, Sarah to lie about their relationship (Genesis 12 with Pharaoh in Egypt and Genesis 20 with Abimelech in Canaan). Both times God intervened directly to prevent Abraham’s blindness from undermining his Messianic promises to Abraham. Sinful manipulation raised its ugly head again when Abraham agreed to take Hagar, an Egyptian, as a stand in wife, potentially displacing Sarah. The result was predictably disastrous.

And yet, in spite of these catastrophic failures, we see God continuing to chip away at Abraham’s sinful tendency to manipulate out of fear. We see Abraham overcome his natural bent in giving Lot the first choice of grazing land (Genesis 13), refusing all rewards from the pagan king of Sodom (Genesis 14), and resist the temptation to force his way into taking possession of the Promised Land all along the way. And in Genesis 22, God’s test of Abraham’s faith and loyalty reveals a man who had learned to trust God rather than sinfully manipulate circumstances.

not destined to be distilled!

We all have sinful characterological tendencies. Thankfully, God loves us way too much to let them go unchallenged. I’m not destined to become distilled in my flaws and weaknesses! So even as I sometimes revert to my old pattern of elevating my schedule and task list to a place of priority over people and God’s desires for me, I also see something else: God graciously challenging that tendency, both in minor details and major decisions. He does this through His Word, through circumstances, and through Spirit-filled people speaking into my life.

No, I’m not destined to become distilled in my characterological tendencies. God is diverting my path, preparing me for glory.

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