The Role of Roles in Managing Money in Marriage

God is Lord over our possessions. As followers of Jesus Christ, we want to know God’s will about managing our family’s resources. Our personal desires, opinions, and ambitions about money must be aligned with God’s Word. Assuming these fundamental truths, we can talk about the purpose of this article: How to manage money in marriage. Understanding roles in marriage is the first step.

Money and the Family

God’s Word teaches us a lot about the family. When we understand what the Bible clearly teaches, that knowledge helps us greatly in knowing how manage money as a family.

We spend much of our lives earning money, planning how to spend it, and then doing so. We talk about possessions often, nearly every day, one way or another. Money is a big part of family life.

God’s revealed will about the family, and in particular, marriage, guides us on how to manage money in the home.  When Christians don’t anchor their money management in these truths about marriage, consequences can be painful. Many families experience continual tension and arguments, often ending in bitterness and worse.  

Who is the one who should manage the money in the family?

Genesis 1:27-28 reveals to us God’s purpose in creating mankind:

Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

God created man and woman to be a team.

God created man and woman in His own image so that they could serve Him on earth together. Their differences, strengths, and weaknesses in combination make them effective in serving the Lord together.

God created man to lead.

Creation order was intentional. God created man before He created woman (Genesis 2). It is God’s will in His created order for man to lead. When married, the man becomes the leader of his family.

When a man becomes a Christian, he must begin to learn how to lead his family in a loving way as God designed. God’s design will always be in contrast to the social norms of broken society around us.

God created woman to help.

Genesis 2:18 speaks of Eve’s creation: Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” God created the woman to complete and complement the man. While equal in God’s image, her role is to support and strengthen the man.  

When a woman becomes a Christian, she must begin to learn how to be her husband’s helper by following his lead. The husband depends upon his wife to help manage the family.

The virtuous woman

In Proverbs 31, we read about the “virtuous woman.”  Verses 10-12 give us some key thoughts about what it means for the husband to have a wife who is a true helper:

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

God praises the wife who is a valuable helper to her husband. Even if the wife is more gifted with money and keeps the books, the husband must still be the senior manager, the supervisor over the family finances. God given roles in marriage are very important when it comes to family finances.

Problems that often occur:

Some men don’t want to lead their family. Nor do they want to learn how to. Whether this passivity comes from laziness, fear, or something else, it dishonors God. God created men to lead.

Some women don’t want to be a helper to their husband. Maybe they have a culture-driven understanding of women’s rights and equality divorced from Scripture. They want a team with no team captain unless it is them. This displeases God.

God said that these two sinful responses from men and women in marriage would occur. After the Fall, God said to Eve, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you” (Genesis 3:16). The implication here is that the now sinful and rebellious human heart would now cause woman to chafe under male leadership and men to lead in ungodly ways.

New life in Jesus Christ gives believers the ability to change habits and ways of thinking about marriage roles that don’t please God. God calls upon us to “renew our minds” and be “transformed” according to His ways. He warns us to avoid “conforming to the world” that is in rebellion against Him (Romans 12:1-2).

How should financial decisions about money be made?

As leader of the home, the husband must lead in making decisions about finances. First, the husband must consult his wife, his God-given companion and helper for such decisions as these. Then he must make the final decision. If most of the ideas come from his wife–great! What is important is that the man is involved and agrees with how family resources are used.

There are so many questions that need answering about finances: How much money should we spend on our children’s education? How much should our food budget be every day or month? How much money should be saved for future needs? How much should our family give in offerings, whether to tithe, etc. Should we plan for a trip to see family or a vacation? What are genuine needs and what are just wants? The list could go on an on. Every question needs an answer. Answers obtained God’s way come from the husband and wife working together under the husband’s leadership.

Some men don’t want to think about finances and planning for their family. They are happy for their wife to manage everything. They are content to work, give the money to their wife, and let her be responsible for all the decisions. Such men, when they become Christians, must learn how to manage family finances with their wives. This requires intentionality, selflessness, genuine love.  God’s grace is more than enough.

Does God’s plan about financial decisions change if both the husband and wife earn income?

There is a serious problem in many marriages. It is the idea of “my money” and “your money”. Some think that whoever earns the money owns that money. This idea that “I earned it, so I decide what to do with it” may be popular, but it is not according to God’s plan for how the family is to function. The money we earn for the family, and the husband is the leader of the family.

What if the wife earns more money than her husband?

Nothing changes. Money earned is for the family, and the husband is the leader of the family. A wife who has a successful career or higher salary will be tempted to use this as leverage over her husband. God’s will is that the husband and wife work together, the husband leading his wife.

What if the husband makes all the money?

Money that the husband earns is for the family, and the husband is the leader of the family. A wise husband will be cautious in making decisions on spending money, heavily leaning upon his wife’s counsel as his God-provided helper.

What if the wife earns income and the husband doesn’t?

The money the wife earns is for the family, and the husband is the leader of the family. The husband’s leadership of the family does not depend upon money earned. It is a role given by God Himself. If the husband loses his job or cannot find steady work, it is important that the wife does not assume she is more important than her husband and should lead the family in his place.

Once we understand God’s plan for the roles of man and woman in marriage, we have a foundation for discussion about managing money in the home.

In the next article, we will talk about roles in further details from the New Testament and consider how these passages relate to how to manage money in marriage.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from the ESV® Bible.

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