God’s Good Design for Marriage: Questions for Husbands and Wives to Consider

Earlier this year, my wife and I had a group of young couples from our church over to share a meal and talk about God’s good design for marriage. Before our get-together, we sent them 20 diagnostic questions to help spark some honest, heart-to-heart conversations about the health of their marriages. We were encouraged by how many couples participated. When we got together, we worked through the notes I’ve posted below. The discussions that night were both lively and insightful! Afterwards, we challenged husbands and wives to write down answers to the questions and then share them with each other.

Seeing how helpful this was to our church family, I thought it might be good to share these notes with you as well. I pray that the truths and questions below will help you discover, embrace, and pursue God’s good design for marriage.

God’s Design for Husbands

Scriptures

Proverbs 5:18-21; Ecclesiastes 9:9; I Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:25-33; Col. 3:19; and I Peter 3:7

Summary

As the God-appointed leader of his home, the husband is called to love his wife sacrificially, care for her spiritually, cherish and enjoy her as a gift of grace, and lead her in a way that reflects Christ’s love for the church. His leadership should be selfless, nourishing, gentle, initiating, and understanding as he cultivates a marriage where his wife and children can flourish.

Questions to Consider

• How would you define leadership?
• Practically, what should loving, life-giving leadership look like in your marriage?
• Would your wife and children say that they are flourishing under your leadership? If so, in what ways? If not, why not?
• What are the biggest challenges that you face providing Christlike leadership in your marriage?
• What steps do you need to take in order to understand your wife better and grow as the leader in your home?
• How do the truths of the gospel empower transformation as you pursue God’s design for marriage?

God’s Good Design for Wives

Scriptures

Genesis 2:18; Proverbs 31:11-12; Ephesians 5:22-24, 32-34; Titus 2:3-5; and I Peter 3:1-6

Summary

The wife’s responsibility is to submit, respect, love, and do good to her husband. She is also called to cultivate inner beauty and trust in God’s wise plan for her marriage. Working side-by-side with her husband, she is to influence her home in a Christlike manner. 

Questions to Consider 

• How would you define or describe submission?
• Practically, what should supportive submission look like in your marriage?
• What are the biggest challenges or struggles that you face submitting to your husband?
• What steps do you need to take in order to support and submit to your husband?
• How do the truths of the gospel empower transformation as you pursue God’s design for marriage?

A Word of Encouragement

One quick word of caution/encouragement as you work through these questions and then discuss your answers with your spouse: We all fall woefully short of God’s ideal. No husband or wife perfectly fulfills their responsibilities all of the time. This why we need to repent, believe, and embrace the provisions and promises that we have in Christ every day! In our marriages, we need grace: both personally and as couples. As you work through these questions together, I pray that you and your spouse will experience a greater appreciation and fresh experience of God’s cleansing, sanctifying, and empowering grace as you pursue God’s good design together.