Once upon a time I was single. And lonely.
And I had an internal struggle: I also wanted to be content. I knew that singleness is not purgatory, or at least it shouldn’t seem that way. I wanted to enjoy my life, whether I was single or not. At one point I decided I should settle my discontent first, and afterwards think about getting married. My thinking went this way: “When I exist in a placid state of non-desire, then I’ll know I’m ready.” It didn’t work. The desire was still there.
When I met Sarah, that desire to be married skyrocketed overnight. In fact, the more time I spent with her, the more I wanted to be married. And on July 19, 2008, that desire was fulfilled, when Sarah and I exchanged our wedding vows. Since then, I’ve never struggled one day with discontent about being single. (By the way, marriage turned out to be even better than I hoped.)
I think our assumptions about our Christian lives often mirrors my pre-marriage thought to overcome discontent before seeking marriage. We reason like this: “At some point I’ll overcome this temptation, fear, weakness, desire, apathy, etc., and then I’ll really be ready to do the Christian thing. And it will be amazing.” But let me warn you: that time of serene victory over your struggles won’t come.
I should clarify. There is such a thing as growth and victory. I used to struggle with sins that I don’t struggle with now. That’s part of what it means to grow in sanctification. Furthermore, the Christian life is a joyful privilege. I find myself continually marveling each year at how many blessings God keeps on pouring on my life.
But I have to confess that I still sin. A lot.
So when do I overcome the struggle? Which morning do I wake up and no longer feel even the draw of sin and the world? It hasn’t happened for me yet. It probably hasn’t happened for you yet either. Because that wouldn’t be faith; it would be sight. Faith means that every morning I wake up to real struggles. Not struggles that I can laugh at from some vantage point in the clouds. But struggles that actually hurt. And every morning, I need to make the choice of faith–again. Every day I must choose to face the struggles, endure the disappointments and fears, and continue to the end, because I have a relationship with God. I’m taking God at His Word, the one who sees the unseen.
As a single guy living in a dorm full of single guys, the struggle never went away. And then it did. It all disappeared—pretty quickly in fact—and the yearning to no longer be single actually seems pretty distant now.
So also, nothing in life will rid you of the struggle against sin and self. It’s a daily battle – hour by hour and minute by minute. Wait. Trust. Fight. But in a flash—faster than any of us can comprehend—faith will turn to sight. And all will be well.
Keep this truth in mind: “But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself” (Philippians 3:20-21).
