I’ll never forget that phone call.
Life had been wonderful. We’d just moved into our home, spring was mercifully springing, and my wife was two months along with our second. We awoke that morning to an ominous sign, but the doctor told us that light bleeding is common enough—if there was a problem, we’d know soon.
Like any good wife, Danielle insisted I have a productive day: “Stewing isn’t doing either of us any good.” So, I ran an errand and was returning for lunch when my phone rang. My beloved could hardly speak—her miscarriage was obvious.
I sped home to hold my wife; we wept in each other’s arms. That we hadn’t yet announced our pregnancy was a mixed blessing—privacy can turn quickly to isolation.
As we reached out to loved ones for support, we learned two things: First, many of them had experienced a miscarriage themselves. In fact, if a couple has three children, it’s more likely than not that they’ve miscarried at least once. Second, for such a common occurrence, relatively few Christian resources are available to help couples through the loss. I was surprised by the dearth of helpful materials, and a little ashamed that, as a pastor, I didn’t have a resource list at the ready.
What follows is a personal testimony of God’s comforting grace. For me, it is also a step in collecting helpful materials. Let me offer three caveats: First, I’m not a medical expert, so please do not hold me to a standard I don’t claim. Second, our experience could have been even more devastating. I can only imagine the hurt of a late-term miscarriage or a still-born child. Third, if you’ve come across a great resource, please contribute in the comments below. You can help our readers compile God-centered comfort.
God Allowed His Goodness to Frame Our Thoughts
In the midst of sorrow, God reminded us of verses like Psalm 100:5, “For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.” And true enough, God faithfully reinforced these thoughts. The Christian doctor who guided us through the post-miscarriage process, for example, highlighted God’s goodness. “Many first-trimester miscarriages occur,” he said, “because the baby has some severe developmental deficiencies. I’ve come to understand early miscarriages as a measure of God’s grace.” Curiously, as I write those words now, they don’t seem all that comforting. But at the time, I clung to them. Our sinful existence corrupts even the development of our children. Yet, God very often allows the more merciful outcome when things go wrong. If, indeed, something was wrong with our baby, God spared our child months of surgeries and painstaking procedures; instead, God granted eternal bliss.
God is Infinite; We are Dust
God’s eternality means that all of his attributes are infinite. God’s love is unbounded, his might is absolute, his perspective is unlimited, and so forth. By contrast, I’m dust. I’m impatient, ineffectual, and selfish. God does not love my unborn children more than I do; he loves them infinitely more than I do. And he loves me infinitely more than I do. How can I, the clay pot, raise my hand to the Potter and complain that he allowed this or that (Isaiah 64:8)?
God Knows Our Little Ones Even in the Womb
Isaiah confesses that God called him to prophetic service before he was born (Is. 49:1-5) and the Psalmist confesses dependence on God “from my mother’s womb” (Ps. 71:5-6). But Jeremiah’s calling is perhaps the crowning hope for parents who have miscarried—“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born, I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations” (Jer. 1:5). The conception of my little one, developmentally challenged as he or she may have been, did not catch God flat-footed. In fact, God knows Baby Baker #2 even though we were never formally introduced.
God Promises Comfort, not Immunity
“Name It and Claim It” Christianity, I fear, has infected us more than we think. We live in a fallen world where God’s people still get sick and die (Jam. 5:14; Jn. 11:32). God never promises immunity from fallenness. Jesus, in fact, guarantees the opposite—“in the world, you will have tribulation” (Jn 16:33). Yet God specializes in comfort. Consider Nahum 1:7—“The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him.” Here the prophet acknowledges hard times—they’re coming! But God will comfort through those hard times. “He will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble” (Ps. 27:5).
Christ Conquered Death – We Will Join Our Unborn Child
After losing his infant son, David could say, “I shall go to him, but he will not return to me” (2 Sam. 12:23). David’s conviction was realized the moment Jesus rose from the grave. “O death where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? . . . But thanks be to God who gives us the victory through Jesus Christ” (1 Cor. 15:55-57). With resurrection certainty, I will meet our unborn child.
Final Thoughts
In the wake of our miscarriage, God gave me a renewed appreciation for life. Those little ones are so fragile, so fearfully and wonderfully made. How dare we take their lives for granted? Rejoice over God’s blessing. Make a big deal out of it. And may I be blunt? Stop with the tiring jokes. Whether teasing a childless couple, “Am I going to have to give you a tutorial?” or mocking the parents of four with “Haven’t you figured out what causes that yet?” (Hardy-har-har) These jokes can wound the parents of miscarriage and certainly insult the Author of life.
Instead, pray for expecting mothers and their children; a lot can go wrong. Thank God for the precious gift of life and ask that God would help us to value it as such.
Oh Lord, protect our little ones whom you already know.
