Certain titles automatically get lots of clicks:

27 Ways He Should Spoil You!

 Relationship Magic—19 Things Every Girl Should Know!

But lists like these usually miss the mark. For starters, they assume the reader should get married, which may not be the case. If, for example, persecution afflicts American Christians in coming years, singleness might be the preferred state.

Others focus on easy-to-caricature negatives. We can all agree that guys who kick puppies, forget Mother’s Day, or correspond daily with Nigerian princes should be avoided. What we really need to hear, though, is distinctly biblical counsel. It’s too easy to listen to emotionally affirming, romantically-centered suggestions that focus on happiness rather than holiness.

I’d like to plead with any young lady to understand my urgency as compassion—marrying amiss is devastating. If there is any possible way, I want to spare you that life-altering, unrelenting heartache. If you’re serious about waiting for the right guy, would you accept two faith-building projects and a biblically-based list?

I need to clarify first: I married extremely well. I’m always a finalist in the “How’d That Guy Get That Girl?” contest. My wife tolerates my every fault, magnifies my every strength, and just makes life more fun. (Thanks, D.)

Onto the faith-building projects …

1) Memorize Paul’s instructions to couples in Ephesians 5:22-33. If it’s your job to submit to a man, you’d better be sure he’s submission worthy. And I’m recommending you memorize verses aimed at husbands because you need to wait for God to provide a man whose living as a loving man, even while he’s single.

2) Study the Biblical concept of waiting. Over and again God’s people get themselves into trouble by refusing to wait (1 Sam. 13). David said, “Wait for the Lord” (Psalm 27:14; 37:34). Isaiah says that waiting results in soaring (Isa. 40:31). Jesus, our ultimate example, is waiting (Heb. 10:12-13). Remember, waiting for the right guy and waiting on the Lord are not quite the same thing. You’re off to a good start—go and learn.

Now, for that list.

  1. Wait for God to provide a Christ-Following Man. Voddie Baucham has written, in my opinion, the best marriage prep guide – What He Must Be if He Wants to Marry My Daughter. Read it. Read it before the next suitor comes along. Read it with your fiancé. Most importantly, read it with your dad. Also, pick a man who was following Christ before you started dating—it’s the only way to avoid the nagging doubt that you’re marrying a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Predators are prowling, ladies. Be careful.
  2. Wait for God to provide a Principled Man. It might seem romantic that he maxed out the credit card for a shiny rock that makes your girlfriends squeal with delight, but it’s not principled. In marriage you’ll need a fella that’s going to make the best decisions for your family’s welfare, so make sure he’s choosing well now. Also, it might tug on the heartstrings when your boyfriend constantly needs affirmation, but that’s a sign of insecurity that’ll bite you in marriage. You need a man that does the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing.
  3. Wait for God to provide a Forthright Man. Pray for a guy who will gently inform you when you’re wrong—assuming, that is, that you might be wrong on the rarest of occasions. If you simply cannot remember the last time you erred, maybe remain single lest your blinding perfections frustrate you in marriage. Too often young ladies settle for a squish who only ever affirms—who makes her happiness his ultimate priority.
  4. Wait for God to provide a Hard-Working Man. Does your boyfriend have a history of quitting? Quitting jobs? Quitting college? Better run, ladies. Pick a man of dogged determination. Let’s face it, you’re not going to be the easiest person to live with (nobody is). So pick a guy who doesn’t quit the first time you can’t stop crying and aren’t sure why you started in the first place. Early in marriage the cupboards will be bare and the apartment a little cold. At that point you’ll appreciate a hard-working dude that’ll nearly kill himself to fix it rather than sit on the couch and bellyache. Hard work isn’t necessarily romantic, but it sure beats cold and hungry.
  5. Wait for God to provide a Loving Man. Ephesians 5 says your calling is to respect; his to love. But Paul qualifies the type of love commanded, and it’s far from the silly sentimentality so often glorified in romantic movies. The husband’s job is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. Look for a guy who habitually puts the needs of his family over his own, who eagerly listens to your opinions and ideas because he loves and respects you, and who regularly demonstrates compassion, mercy, and kindness to people in need.

Finding a man of these qualities will take some time, patience, and selectivity. Also, here’s one final word of caution, avoid the temptation to reject this counsel by extending the above qualities to the extremes. Yes, hard-working men can be obsessive, forthright men can be abusive, and principled men can be killjoys. Avoid those guys, too.

My guess is that some readers are arguing with me. I wonder if the desire to dispute stems from the possibility that you already have someone in mind for marriage who doesn’t measure up. It’s time to stop making excuses for him and start allowing Scripture to inform this life-altering decision. What makes you happy now might not be so joyful in the decades to come.