The following article was written by Malamulo Chindongo. This article is reposted with permission from Between Two Cultures.

Not long ago, I was sitting in an airport when a family of four appeared. The little boy, who seemed about five, was having a meltdown I’d heard many times before. His mother was doing all she could to calm him down, but nothing worked. In just a few minutes, I witnessed a parade of bribes being offered to the child, all of which he flatly ignored. First, an iPad with his favourite cartoon was tossed in his direction, but to the surprise of his parents, he refused it. His screams echoed through the terminal. Next, his favourite candy was suggested, but that didn’t work either. I couldn’t help but notice the father—though very present—had mentally checked out, preferring to watch the chaos unfold rather than intervene.

Bribes have become a common parenting tool. Regardless of whether it’s high-income families in Capetown or those with meagre means in Cairo, for many modern parents in Africa, it’s the primary method they use. Children are often told that if they complete tasks A to Z or demonstrate some semblance of obedience, they’ll be rewarded with treats. After watching a few YouTube videos on dog training, I realised that a lot of what I see in modern parenting, especially in urban families across Africa, is eerily similar to how puppies are trained. To be clear, I’m not comparing children to dogs, but I am highlighting how these modern parenting techniques mirror animal training. 

However, as Proverbs 22:6 reminds us, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Training children through bribes misses this biblical mark.

The hope for the African continent lies in raising a generation that fears the Lord, serves, and worships Him. However, this bribing culture is producing three dangerous outcomes in our children that we need to address:

  1. Master Manipulators: Children naturally try to manipulate situations to get their way, but when parents rely on bribes during these formative years, it exacerbates this tendency. Kids grow up learning how to manipulate others to achieve their goals. This often leads to dishonesty and scheming, setting them up for trouble later in life. Ephesians 6:4 exhorts us, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Manipulative habits fostered by bribing undermine this godly instruction.
  2. Endless Entitlement: Children raised in a bribe-based system grow up feeling entitled, selfish, and oppressive toward others. They believe the world revolves around them, expecting everyone to serve their needs. When things don’t go their way, they quickly become angry, frustrated, and, in many cases, bitter. This is the opposite of what Scripture teaches. As Philippians 2:3-4 urges, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” Parenting that fosters entitlement contradicts this biblical call to humility.
  3. Avid Abusiveness: children who only receive reward-based exhortations often become abusive toward those around them. They struggle to admit wrongdoing and expect rewards even when they’re in the wrong. They miss out on the peace that comes with genuine repentance, and instead, they find only temporary relief in undeserved rewards. Hebrews 12:11 reminds us, “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” When children do not experience godly discipline, they miss out on this transformative peace.

We don’t want to raise children this way. While our heavenly Father does use the promise of reward as a facet of the motivation He gives believers, it is only a part of the entire diamond that is the relationship we enjoy as His children. We too, can make use of measured, deserved, and appropriate rewards. However, the bribing system, which uses them perpetually to calm situations or direct behavior, deprives children of the biblical wisdom parents are commanded to impart.

Biblical parenting aims to teach responsibility, repentance, grace, and faith, preparing our children for obedience to the gospel. Instead of offering bribes, we must teach them what sin is and its consequences, following the first commandment with a promise (Ephesians 6:2). We show them the importance of owning their mistakes, turning from them, and saying, “I’m sorry.” They learn to experience the refreshing peace that follows true repentance through faith in Jesus Christ. We teach them to say, “Yes, sir” and “Yes, ma’am” and experience the blessings and joy that follow genuine obedience. This approach shows them that the world doesn’t revolve around them—God is sovereign and in control, and He made them for His own glory (Isaiah 43:7).

Children raised this way grow up respecting authority in the home, in the church, and in the workplace. They become humble, respectful, and loving toward others, ultimately becoming a blessing to their communities and contributing to the furtherance of Christ’s kingdom. church, and in the workplace.