“Pete” and I go way back. We became friends when my family and I first came to this rural province over twenty years ago. Pete taught me how to play a Cambodian game called “oke” which is the Cambodian version of chess. Even though we couldn’t be more different from one another in almost every way, we have shared lots of laughs over the years.
Pete lives with a serious disability. He was born with polio, which left him with stubs for legs. Pete is also divorced, and when that happened, he was left with his two kids. This was an emotional blessing, but it was a serious challenge for a man with no legs to support dependents on his own. Pete did his best as a bicycle repair man, earning what he could. He is known to be one of the best chess players in the community, and he supplemented his income by gambling over the game. His meager earnings and occasional gifts from family and friends kept him and his children from starving.
Then, some years back, Pete had a stroke. He lost the use of his left arm. Now he can’t sit for long periods of time without being in pain. He can’t lift himself up to get onto his electric three-wheeled chair. Making food for himself or using the restroom without help is impossible. He is now seriously dependent on his sisters for the minimal financial support they give, even living in a home provided by them. Pete is only in his early fifties. His daughter has now gotten married and moved on, and his son is just starting out with a really low paying job.
Profession of hidden faith
Several years ago, Pete told me that he now followed Jesus. Pete had encountered superficial Christianity before I met him, and throughout our decades of friendship he had always been open the Gospel. He has read from the Bible and many Gospel tracts, and he has listened to Bible teaching, even coming to church and evangelistic services a handful of times. Now he was saying that he believed the Gospel that he has long heard. After making sure he understood the Gospel and its implications, I urged him to make his repentance known through baptism and attending worship with God’s people. He refused.
Recently, I bumped into Pete on the street as he was cruising along on his electric three-wheeler. I hadn’t seen him in over a year because we’d been in the United States for home assignment. (Our only interaction was over Facebook Messenger when he reached out a few times to say hello and ask if I had met the President yet.)
There on the street he made a comment that made me wonder if he was finally ready to follow Jesus.
So, one afternoon last week, I went over to his house.
Genuine Faith?
Pete spends most of his days on a wooden bed with a thin mat on it, which sits underneath a wooden house on stilts. I found him there waiting for me, as I had called ahead. It was around 100° F.
We chatted and caught up. He talked about his brother-in-law’s roosters being raised for illegal cockfighting. I asked about his health. Then we got down to the business of faith in Jesus, which he expected.
Pete affirmed his faith in Jesus very strongly. He said that he no longer participates in Buddhist or animist rituals with the family. He can now get out of those rituals by saying he does not feel well.
I then began to press Pete hard about baptism. He firmly resisted, giving excuses about his health and not being able to be gone from home for long (even though he goes out all the time on his three-wheeler), but finally he had to express his real reason for not getting baptized: fear.
If Pete follows Jesus, he would be the first in his extended family to do so. He is afraid of the economic hardships and relational fallout if he were to actively follow Christ. But Pete kept declaring to me his faith—claiming that it just was a hidden faith.
The fear of man or the fear of God?
I told Pete that I did not believe that his faith was real. Why would I say this? I explained to him that he is more afraid of man than God.
My Bible was then opened to Matthew 28:18-20 where I explained the Great Commission given to all Christians. I explained that I was obeying the command of Jesus and that is why I, as an American, had come to Cambodia and was now sitting there with him. Jesus commands me to baptize and teach those that believe on Jesus, and that included him.
He understood this, but said, “But I cannot be baptized or go to church.”
My next words were pretty strong. I asked Pete if he would be willing to pray to Jesus and say, “Lord, you are Almighty God and my Savior. I know what you command me to do as a first step of following you. But I have a better idea. I don’t want to obey you. I am more afraid of my family and neighbors than I am of you. Please forgive me.”
He responded sheepishly, “No way.”
Strong, but loving confrontation
I read Acts 2 to Pete, showing him what those convicted of their sins did when they heard the apostle Peter’s message. They were baptized to show their repentance and were added to the church.
I then went to Romans 10:9-10 where it says, “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.” I asked Pete if he could confess Jesus in isolation, or if confessing Jesus as Lord meant confessing Him before others. He acknowledged that confession was before men.
I urged Pete to obey Jesus and trust that He, as Almighty God, would take care of him if he is persecuted. Pete remained silent.
The last passage I summarized for him was Matthew 10:32-33: “So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.” I told Pete that these verses were why I did not believe that he could be a true believer. True believers repent and confess Jesus before men. Followers of Jesus get baptized.
As a final appeal, I told Pete that he does not have the right to decide what believing on Jesus means. He needs to believe on Jesus the way Jesus tells him to believe and follow Him.
No biblical category for a closet Christian
Pete had endured a lot of heat from me in this conversation as I pled with him, so I asked him not to be angry with me. I told him that I loved him and would always tell him the truth; that I felt freedom to talk to him this way because of our years of friendship. I said I would always be his friend, whether he gets baptized or not. He acknowledged this and then began talking about the four newborn puppies that were crying under the bed we were sitting on. I complied.
My sorrow for Pete is not his hardships or circumstances. I grieve over his fear of man over God. I grieve over his lack of faith that God will take care of him if he is persecuted.
As I understand these passages of Scripture, there is no category for a closet Christian, one who refuses baptism and won’t meet with God’s people for fear of man. My hope is that God is continuing to work in Pete’s heart, and that he will soon confess Christ before men.
