~ Dr. Matthew Jones is the founder and director of the Southeast Asia MK Camp. He and his wife have been serving as missionaries in Thailand since 2007. He is also the author of MKs in Focus: Thinking Biblically About the MK Experience.

Moving is hard. Organizing. Packing. Deciding what to keep and what to throw away. “Moving” ranks up there with ingrown toenails, poison ivy, and getting root canals as some of the more painful life events! Have you ever considered how intense moving is for your MKs?

With moves to the field, on the field, and eventually off the field, (not to mention furloughs), your MK will have changed “homes” more times in 18 years than most Americans will do in 80 years. It’s essential therefore that we recognize some of the patterns that occur as MKs transition from place to place so that we can serve our MKs well. The following is my adaptation of David Pollock’s “Five Stages of Transition” with some MK-specific applications added:

The Five Stages of Transition

Stage 1 – Engaged and Involved

This is where life is normal and consistent for your MK. They know their routines. For example, they know what to say and do in their host culture. They know to bow slightly when they greet a person older than them. They know not to wave or shake hands with their left hand. They know how to drive their motorcycle to the local market and buy deep fried pig ears or a bowl of noodles to snack on. And, of course, they know that cats are horribly deranged creatures that should be avoided at all cost! This stage is characterized by a sense of belonging and participation. They feel “at home.”

Stage 2 – Leaving

As soon as your MK becomes aware of an upcoming change in location, they have entered into the second stage of transition – the “Leaving Stage”. The actual move might still be weeks or even months in the future, but during this time, you will likely notice some patterns emerging in your MK. They will typically begin loosening emotional ties with friends and even family members to lower the upcoming pain of leaving. You might notice an increase in tension between sibling. You may even notice a decrease in affection between them and their close friends. All of this is sort of a self-preservation mechanism to lower the painful impact of losing relationships.

Stage 3 – Transition

This happens the moment that they move geographically from one place to another. During this time, all of the normalcy and consistency of life is replaced by chaos and uncertainty. If they’re moving within the same country, the transition is less dramatic. If your MK, however, is changing countries or returning to the States, the transition will be especially rough for them – and you!

Stage 4- Entering

During this stage, your MK is looking for ways to fit in and understand their new circumstances. Nothing is normal, familiar, or consistent. If they’ve moved back to America for college, they’re likely to struggle navigating the challenges of campus life. Will they have to eat lunch alone again? How will they get to Walmart to buy school supplies? Their family may have already returned to the field, leaving them feeling alone and thousands of miles from home. This is a physically challenging, emotionally draining, and spiritually vulnerable time for your MK.

Stage 5 – Re-Engaged

When your MK has begun putting down roots, making friends, learning routines, and has become active in a local church, they’re finally reaching the fifth stage of transition. This is a spot we hope all MKs eventually reach. The sad truth, however, is that too many young adult MKs struggle to reach the place where they are spiritually healthy and re-engaged in their new society.

Conclusion

How can we prepare our MKs for a life of frequent moves? Is it enough to just say, “MKs are resilient, they’ll be fine”? In our next article, we will consider some practical ways to help your MKs cope with the challenges of life transitions.