My wife and I recently had a marital first: we attended a Couple’s Retreat simply as a couple (and not as pastor and wife). I’ll be frank—I was a fool to have waited 10 years for such a blessing.
The plain teaching of God’s Word, the wholesome atmosphere of a Christian camp, and the unrushed ease of a retreat all contributed to a wonderful weekend. We rehearsed God’s faithfulness. We enjoyed each other’s company. We laughed carefree. We prayed uninterrupted.
Suffice it to say, it won’t be another 10 years before we do that again.
Some might be thinking, “That’s all well and good, but we don’t need to do that. Our marriage is just fine.” Or some might say, “We don’t need the experience of a retreat; we have God’s Word.” Fair enough.
So, in the truest spirit of blog-writing that I can imagine, I created a list. Two, actually. Let me give three reasons why you should consider attending a couple’s retreat, and answers to four objections that might keep you from it.
Why You Should
1) Marriage is Precious.
God places utmost significance on Christian marriage. He unites individuals from separate families to a covenant relationship that illustrates the very essence of the New Testament Christianity—Christ and the Church (Eph. 5:32). That simple picture assigns spousal roles and supplies motivations for every marital endeavor. That gospel picture tells me everything I need to know about marriage. Who’s the head of my house? Christ. Who takes out the trash? Whoever lost the bet, duh! (Just kidding—we both take it out because I love Danielle and she respects me).
But here’s the thing: we only get one crack at this covenant. We have just one opportunity to picture Christ and the Church with our marriage. Make the most of it.
2) Marriage is Hard.
In pre-marriage counseling, I like to make each partner admit a weakness. And then I force them to call it what it is … sin. Christian marriage joins redeemed sinners (emphasis on the last word). And what happens when we put two sinners in close proximity (plus the number of sinners they add in children)? Well, we have all the makings of reality television.
So, marriage joins two sinners. And husbands are to love their sinful wives as they love their sinful selves. How do they do that? The same way Christ loves the redeemed sinners that form His Church: “that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” (Eph. 5:26-27). I can’t think of a better way for a couple to wash their marriage with the Word of God than by getting away for a weekend of Christ-centered Bible study.
3) God Designed “Retreat”
Can you have a Christ-centered marriage without attending a Couple’s Conference? Of course you can. But consider this: God designed retreat before he unveiled the mystery of Christ and the Church. God’s Old Testament Law demands that Israel participate in seven different feasts. One in particular, the Feast of Booths, requires them to live in tents for a week (Lev. 23:40-43). A week! Yes, Christ fulfilled the Law. And, no, I don’t believe that the Church has displaced Israel. But the principle remains—God delights when His people take time away for uninterrupted worship and spiritual renewal.
Possible Objections
1) I don’t want to be away from my kids.
This objection takes many forms ranging from youth sports to mere sentimentality (I’ll never get that weekend back). And I’m certainly not advocating that you abandon your children. But you made a marriage covenant before you had children. And you’ll remain married long after your children leave the home to create their own marriage covenants. You’ll give your children away; you’ll never put away your spouse. Furthermore, we’re commanded to teach our children; to raise them in the nurture and in the admonition of the Lord. I’m commanded, therefore, to teach my children that my most important earthly relationship is with Danielle, not with them.
2) Weekends are my time.
Despite my utter passion for watching college football games on Saturday afternoon, I’ll keep this brief. No, they’re not. “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price” (1 Cor. 6:19b-20).
3) It cost too much.
The retreat we attended cost in the neighborhood of $300. And, no, that’s not exactly cheap. But I could go through my house right now and find lots of things that I could sell for more than $300. And none of those things are worth more to me than my marriage. Jesus said, “lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matt. 6:20-21). Perhaps you’ll have to save up a little money, but know this: that was the best $300 I’ve spent in quite a long time.
4) We’re doing just fine.
Maybe so. In fact, I’m going to assume that your marriage is in ship-shape. But even Jesus retreated from the day-to-day grind for special times with God (Mark 1:35; Luke 6:12). Taking time away isn’t an admission of insufficiency, but an acknowledgement of what truly fuels the Christian marriage. I’ll put this in terms my fellow husbands will embrace—whether you’re driving a Pinto or a Porsche, the oil still needs changing.
Final Thoughts
I’m not saying that you have a bad marriage if you’ve never attended a Couple’s Retreat. Here’s what I am saying—in ten years of marriage, my wife and I had never participated in one without ministry responsibilities. By God’s grace, it won’t be another ten before we retreat for renewal.
