[Note from Greg: My wife thought of this article idea a few months ago and I was more than happy to have her write it during the World Cup. You’ll get that joke if you keep reading. Here’s from Danielle:]
Ten years ago, I married a lover of sports. By default, I’m now the wife of a lover-of-sports. Yes, ladies, I’m one of those women.
The sheer magnitude of his athletic passions began to sink in on me during our first few months of marriage. Whether it was his seeming encyclopedic knowledge of every player on every team in every sport, or his habit of saying exactly what the announcer would say—except 10 seconds earlier—I was quickly confronted with a choice that would define our marriage. I could either honor his appropriate pursuit of sport, or, on account of my own insecurities, I could manipulate, belittle, or guilt him away from the thing he loves. Ephesians 5:22 kind of settled it for me, and by God’s grace I’ve chosen the former.
Of course I understand that some people, men and women alike, pursue hobbies to the sinful neglect of their families, jobs, and churches. Please know that I’m referring to appropriate levels of pursuit. Yet, honoring my husband through his hobby hasn’t always been natural; I’ve had a lot to learn. Whether it’s sports or hunting, cars or music, I’d like to encourage all wives to honor their husband’s hobby. Doing so is richly rewarding … and just a lot of fun. Here are few things I’ve learned along the way.
Don’t talk during third-down.
When we were first dating/married, I was blissfully unaware that third-down is usually an important few seconds in the sport of football. I’ll never forget the look on my husband’s face when on a third-down, I asked him what we should name our first child. I wasn’t even pregnant! So if it’s third-down in the Super Bowl, or bottom of the 9th in the World Series, or the 85th minute in the World Cup finals, those burning questions need to wait until later.
Consider your husband’s hobby. At what point does he really want to focus? Let him focus. Save your question or at least let him get to a good stopping point. (May I insert that the invention of the DVR has really helped here?) Believe it or not, the second greatest command has something to say about this—how would it make you feel if your husband insisted on bugging you when you’re at the height of scrap-booking, or sweating like a pig on the elliptical, or focused on the finer detail of cake-decorating? Oh… but that’s different, right?
Pull for the same team.
When we were first dating/married, I thought it would be great fun to pull for the opposing team. Wrong. My husband wanted me to be a part of his hobby: cheer with him; scream with him; grieve with him. So, I got the t-shirts, cooked his favorite game day food, and even looked ahead in the calendar to reserve the days of important games. Even our kids take part by cheering!
How can you enjoy your husband’s hobby with him? You may not understand it fully, but make that a bonding moment. Put the iPhone away and actually listen to him. Let him teach you about the difference between a throttle body fuel injection and a multi-port fuel injection, or explain the strategies behind chess, or chat about his latest book. I let my husband teach me, for example, that it’s called a Grand-Slam, not a “four-run homer”… although I still enjoy shouting “four-run homer” in public just to embarrass him.
I can have fun, too.
At this moment I’m scrolling through some pictures on iPhoto that are centered around our sports life. In the last 10 years there have been South Carolina Gamecocks football games, baseball games in abundance, learning and playing ultimate frisbee (thanks to Greg, I have a pretty killer flick), painting my in-laws’ grass in a rivalry football retaliation scheme, bonding with my sixth grade students over sports, running in multiple trail runs and road races, being the cheering squad for my hubby’s triathlons, attending the Rose Bowl, snowmobiling and 4-wheeling, skiing and snowboarding, sledding and ice skating, excellent dodgeball tournaments, and hiking and snowshoeing. And throughout all of this, something amazing happened. Greg didn’t have to drag me along kicking and screaming. A whole new world opened up to me and I really had a great time. I think my 15 yr. old self would have been horrified to know that I frequently scream out loud when the US scores in the World Cup.
So go ahead. Give his hobby a try. You might surprise yourself when you enjoy it.
Don’t make him choose.
I’m going to assume that the women reading this know that their husbands love them. Please don’t test your husband’s love by making him choose between his hobby or you. Of course he loves you! He labors from 9-5 in order to provide your wants and needs. He chops the firewood so you’re warm in the winter. He unclogs the shower drain of all your hair so you can shower in blissful peace. Let him have his hobby!
The fifth set of the men’s Wimbledon Championship is the exact wrong time for me to pull out the ladder and paint cans, all the while saying, “It’s okay. I’ve got this. You go ahead and watch your sports.” Without saying it, I’ve asked him to choose me or his hobby.
It’s not just a game.
People who don’t particularly enjoy watching sports like to throw the phrase “it’s just a game” at people who do. It’s their attempt to belittle. It’s like saying to a classic car restorer “it’s just a motor and wheels” or to a musician “it’s just a few notes on a page” or to a craftsman “it’s just wood and paint.”
My husband’s love of sports is part of who he is. God put that in him. Greg didn’t just decide one day that he’d start remembering the most random sports facts known to man. It just happened. Kind of like how I can just spit out information on animals. I hear/read/see the facts and it sticks in my mind. I’ve been this way since I was a little girl. Should my husband ever belittle this God-given interest it would crush me.
So there. If your husband devours books, is a wizard in the kitchen, expresses himself through the arts, or loves to restore old cars, remember that you married him for him. Love the whole of him for him.
