The issue of children and technology has created a challenge for many parents. While it is possible for parents to wisely navigate this challenge, it can easily escalate into a crisis if they believe these five myths about children and technology.
Myth 1: “My child needs a phone.”
In the good old days, necessity was the mother of invention. Now, with the advent of smart phones and tablets, invention has become the mother of necessity, or so it seems. For many working adults, a cell phone is true necessity—a tool they need to function for their employment. But let’s face it: this is hardly the case for children and teenagers. For them, a phone is mostly a luxury, sometimes a convenience, and almost never a true need.
Putting a cell phone in the category of convenience and privilege, rather than need or right, will help parents decide when and whether to buy a phone for their child. It will also help them guide their child’s thinking about that phone once they have it. Spending an evening without one’s phone is not the same as having an appendage amputated. And limiting its use will not block the blood flow to the brain. Parents who buy into the myth that the phone is a necessity will find it difficult to properly regulate how their children use it.
Myth 2: “My child wouldn’t use it inappropriately.”
Just consider the combination of these ingredients: a naturally curious child with foolishness bound in his heart (Proverbs 22:15), a personal device that can show pictures and videos of virtually anything people do, and the opportunity to explore privately and anonymously. What child or adolescent would not be tempted to use such a device to dabble in sexually explicit material?
As parents, we would like to think that our children are the exception to the rule. After all, they have my genes, right? Actually that’s just the problem. They have inherited from us a sin nature that craves evil and rejects the good. A biblical understanding of human depravity destroys this myth. Given our human bent toward evil and the right opportunity, there’s no question: my child will use a phone, tablet or computer to please himself or herself rather than to please God.
Myth 3: “My child needs to know I trust him with his phone.”
This myth sounds believable on the surface. It seems that looking my boy in the eyes and saying, “Now, son, I trust you to use this responsibly,” would be a good way to motivate him to not mess up. If I resorted to checking up on him, he would think I didn’t trust him. My suspicious sleuthing would simply make him feel and thus become the leering pervert I suspect him to be. And the last thing I want to hear from my child is, “Dad, you just don’t trust me!”
It sounds true, but there’s an unstated and faulty assumption coiling around this myth: the assumption that trust equals no accountability. In other words, when I say that my child needs to know I trust him with his phone, what I am really saying is that I must prove my trust by not checking up on him—that if I truly trusted him, I wouldn’t check his browsing history, text messages, or downloaded apps. So here’s the myth behind the myth: trust means hands-off my device.
Parents who buy into this myth (or who are trying to answer a child who complains that he or she is not trusted) should consider these two truths. First, trust does not mean that accountability is unnecessary. I am required to turn in receipts for job-related purchases, but that doesn’t mean my boss doesn’t trust me. You can trust a child with a phone and still hold him or her accountable for it. Second, accountability is something that everyone—including parents—need. If trust means no accountability, then we shouldn’t trust even ourselves.
Do we want our children to know we trust them? Only if we really do trust them. But trusting them never means that we must quit holding them accountable.
Myth 4: “I would be invading my child’s privacy if I read his text messages.”
Like the myth about trust, the myth about privacy is easy to believe. After all, it does seem downright rude to pick up anyone’s phone and scroll through the text messages—even if it is your own child’s phone.
Parents who believe this myth need to be reminded who bought that device, and who pays the bills for it. If you put that phone into your child’s hand, it’s not only your right, but your responsibility to make sure that it is not being used for sinful purposes. While we hope that we won’t need to dig and pry, as parents we are called to “bring [our children] up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). I’m responsible to make sure that anything I give my child will advance, not frustrate, my sacred calling to nurture and disciple him to become more like Christ.
Myth 5: “I have a filter, so everything is OK.”
Filters are valuable. But no filter will catch everything inappropriate. And many filters let a lot of inappropriate material through. Further, consider how your child can access the internet besides through your home filter. Can he get on a wireless network in a store, at your workplace, or in a coffee shop? No filter—not matter how strict—will take the place of a loving, vigilant parent.
