After the article “All Husbands Final,” several readers suggested a companion piece with the roles reversed: “All Wives Final.” Yes, I was intimidated by the prospect of writing about women (a subject where my grade is a solid F minus), but it’s a fair request. What follows is intended for unmarried men, though I suppose it’s silly to think young ladies won’t peek. So, if you’re a young lady, proceed with this caution: You may not like the counsel.

Guys exhibit a few extremes. (1) Finding a wife is kind of like hiring an employee.  “Loves God?” Check! “Likes kids?” Check! “I enjoy her.” Well … um. Have you heard her play the piano? Single men convince themselves that the relationship will work because, on paper, it should. Remember guys, compatibility and romantic attraction are vital to the equation. (2) Young men are often so enamored that an actual woman — no, for real, a live, in-the-flesh, long hair and everything woman — would find them appealing that they’re willing to forego all character considerations. (3) Single men confuse the sexual component of marriage. Either they become so enamored with her physical attractiveness, or they wrongly assume marriage will solve their sexual temptations, that they ignore godliness and/or compatibility in an effort not to burn with lust.

In avoiding these extremes, I’d like to offer both a faith project and a Scriptural guide for picking the right one.

Study Proverbs 31:10-31

Two weeks before proposing, I made the mistake (insert sarcasm) of thinking about those marriage vows. The ensuing cold feet prompted some serious soul searching  – How could I know she’s “the one”? So, I took some simple advice — carefully read Proverbs 31:10-31 with this question: “Does Proverbs 31 describe Danielle?” The project not only warmed my feet, but convinced me that I’d be disobeying God if I let her get away. Guys, it’s not unspiritual to hold young ladies to this lofty standard, as long as we remember that our example in love is Jesus Christ Himself.

Deal Breakers – Run, Men, Run!

  • Veruca Sault – “I want the world. I want the whole world” – Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

Please don’t take this to mean you should exclude young ladies who come from means. No, Veruca Salts come in every race, class, and culture. What’s her attitude toward material things? Does she love them? Does she give them away? Do her friends come from a broad range of social levels? Of differing popularity circles? If your girlfriend pokes fun at cheap shoes or knock-off jewelry, run and don’t look back — “those who desire to be rich fall into a snare … that plunge people into ruin and destruction” (1 Tim. 6:9).

  • Katherina Minola – “If I be waspish, best beware my sting” – The Taming of the Shrew

Kate is, of course, Shakespeare’s legendary shrew. You may have found a girlfriend with a tongue that’s truly Katherina-esque. And you may have assuaged your worries with the thin balm that she has not yet turned it upon you. Just wait. Shortly after her behavior is no longer required to keep you, she will quickly direct her scornful know-it-all-ness your direction. “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike” (Prov. 21:19).

  • Mrs. Socrates  – “…If you get a bad [wife], you’ll become a philosopher” – Socrates

Mrs. Socrates, a legendary nag, drove her hubby to spend all his time hanging with the boys at the gym. The Bible, of course, laments nagging. But how do we identify it in courtship? Potential nags commonly dismiss their boyfriend’s family and friends as fools, monopolize his free-time, and almost always marginalize his hobbies as a silly distractions. She is your only worthy pursuit; she knows best. In her disrespect for you, she’s trying to change you. And that’s not her job.  “It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman” (Prov. 21:19).

Deal Makers – Swoop Her Up!

  • Mary – “Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:42).

Does she eagerly, actively, and submissively listen to preaching? When a Mary leaves church, she’s broken over sin, amazed by God’s grace, and challenged to submit further to Christ’s lordship. Mary rarely questions the preacher’s outline, mocks the soloist, or obsesses that so-and-so wore those shoes with that skirt — she’s too busy listening and learning.

  • Eve – “I will make him a helper fit for him” (Gen. 2:18).

Eve corresponded perfectly to Adam’s needs – the quintessential complement. What does that look like? I’m reminded of Katherina Von Bora, Luther’s Katie. Shortly after her harrowing escape from a convent in a cod barrel, she assumed prominence in Reformation lore by taking up for her husband. If Luther had a fan-club, Katie was president. And that’s what you need — a wife that instinctively throws her energies into helping you pursue God’s will.

  • Ruth – “Where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge” (Ruth 1:16).

Ruth saw her tragic singleness not as an excuse for pity or a disability to overcome, but as a divinely determined opportunity for God-honoring service. Had God immediately provided a spouse, He would have short-changed His glory. Does the girl you’re interested in have Ruth’s attitude about singleness? Is she using her singleness as an aid to further ministry? If so, you have something more precious than rubies.

Final Thoughts

Men, whatever you do, don’t be paralyzed by this counsel. And don’t play around, either. Meet godly young ladies; pursue them. And if it looks like it might not work out, just move on. Like my wife said in response to this article, “It’s not rocket science.” But, if God is so good as to give you a compatible young woman that passes the Proverbs 31 test, don’t let her get away.