Confession: I sat down with a simple enough task–to answer the question, “Should Christian parents force their teens to attend church?”
It would have been easy to assume “yes” and equip parents with 1000 words of bullet-pointed ammunition. So I started churning out the text, but then something unexpected happened. I started thinking more deeply about the issue. About teen responses. About parental rebuttals. The question gained complexity; exceptional situations blurred those black and white lines. It would have been simpler just to be dogmatic.
That’s when it occurred to me, I was asking a good question, but in the wrong order. By doing so, I unwittingly contributed to a greater problem rather than solving a relatively minor one. See, we crave easy answers, but if we don’t ask “Why?” or “What if?” our teens certainly will. And then what?
So, let’s establish a pair of baseline Biblical convictions and then ask some hard questions.
Teens Are Fools
Sorry, teens, Solomon said it: “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child” (Prov. 22:15). First, don’t let the word “child” throw you — OT writers use it (nangar) quite broadly. Moses, for example, employs nangar for an infant in Exodus 2:6 and for a young man in his early twenties in Genesis 41:12. Solomon uses the term nine times and five clearly refer to adolescent children (or beyond); none clearly refer to young children.
The more important concern is that word “folly.” Folly is what fools do. True, it’s silly when your teen tries to stuff 37 marshmallows into his mouth, but it’s not folly. Fools say in their heart there is no God (Ps. 53:1). Fools despise wisdom (Prov. 1:7). Job’s friends exercised folly by giving spiritual advice counter to God’s purposes (Job 42:8).
In other words, folly goes beyond silliness to something best described as anti-God, even atheistic. And it’s bound up in the way teens naturally think about God. When teens accuse church of being boring, they do so because “the mouths of fools pour out folly” (Prov. 15:2). Some teens prefer cool, godless kids over unpopular, Christian ones because “folly is a joy to him who lacks sense” (Prov. 15:21). So profound is the young person’s propensity to folly that God builds into his Law safeguards for when young ladies make promises they cannot keep (Num. 30:3-5).
The Bible repeatedly and emphatically offers the cure for teenage folly: listen and obey. Solomon begs, “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction” (Prov. 1:8). Paul is slightly more blunt, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord” (Eph. 6:1).
Parents are Primarily Responsible to Disciple
If it’s the teen’s duty to listen and to obey, then it’s the parent’s to instruct and to model. God never puts the onus directly on organizations or individuals outside the family, but lays that responsibility squarely at the parents’ feet.
Deuteronomy 6:7 demands that parents teach the Law “diligently to your children.” And lest we think of this instruction as a do-as-daddy-says mentality, 10 verses later God says, “you shall diligently keep the commandments of the LORD your God.” Likewise, in Ephesians 6:4, God adds a little spirit behind it: don’t provoke teens to wrath, but nourish them with instruction in the Lord.
And that brings us back to the verse that kicked off our study: “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him” (Prov. 22:15). We don’t counter folly with appeasement or fear, but rather reproving discipline. God tells us to match folly with gracious strength.
So … Now What?
At precisely this point, it becomes easy to write a blog post of the worst stereotypes: screeds of unreasonable and, frankly, unusable expectations that agitate rather than enlighten. I would like to avoid that fate. Again, it’s always easier to be dogmatic.
Nevertheless, these two convictions, that teens are prone to folly and that parents are uniquely responsible for discipleship, shape the way we minister to teens in our own church. Consider four ways these convictions shape ministry to teens.
- We avoid elevating “good” teens to a pedestal too lofty for these unproven commodities. In fact, we deliberately place them in service roles rather than platform ones to preserve their posture as listeners and learners. Please don’t misunderstand. Of course we encourage our teens to play special music, teach verses in VBS, etc. But those opportunities are periodic and special.
- We do not allow teens to dictate how, when, and where they’ll worship. Doing so holds biblical ministry hostage to the whims of fools. We’ll preserve our teens by teaching and modeling, not by conceding and catering.
- We encourage parental roles within our youth ministries. Although we support the use of youth pastors, Christian camps, and Christian schools, we remind parents that these God-given tools are poor substitutes for their direct discipleship.
- We remind parents that allowing teens to substitute good behavior or academic excellence for true Christlikeness grossly misplaces priorities. What does it profit a man if he gains he whole world, but loses his own soul?
Teens are fools. Parents are primarily responsible for their discipleship. However you apply these twin truths, I trust God will bless your efforts.
