My wife, Danielle, and I had our first date on Friday evening, January 24, 2003. Afterward, my buddy Joe prodded, “So, is she The One?” And I remember pausing. Tempting as it was to shout, “Yes!” … that seemed a touch impulsive, so I settled for a breathy, “She’s a really nice girl.” I guess didn’t want to jinx it.
That’s how it began, Danielle and me. Whatever married love is, I hadn’t the foggiest clue. But, now, as we settle into our 12th Valentine’s Day, I think I’m starting to understand. You see, true love is forged in trials, which might strike you as dark and somber, but I’m certain that anybody happily married for a decade or more will agree. But why? Why do difficulties fortify love and bring more joy than we ever could have imagined? I think there’s at least three reasons.
First, these varied trials touch every aspect of life.
The day-to-day grind of raising three children ages 5, 2, and 1 brings constant struggles that require teamwork, self-sacrifice, and stores of energy we simply do not possess. Almost six years ago now, I sat helplessly beside my beloved as doctors rushed to save the life of our firstborn; I held Danielle so tightly as his little heartbeat faded below 40 beats a minute. God delivered him, and we’ve never taken him for granted. I’ve seen Danielle hang precariously from the roof to seal a leak that threatened to flood our home, move countless pieces of firewood, agonize with me through graduate work, and stand as a loving pillar while I wept pathetically on her neck. Every aspect of our lives, whether professional, ministerial, academic, parental, or spiritual, has been strengthened by endurance-producing trials.
Second, these trials provide the utterly fulfilling satisfaction of mutual triumph.
I remember one warm summer afternoon in particular. I’d just received word of a hard-fought academic success, so I drove madly around campus looking for my best friend. When Danielle saw me, I didn’t even have to speak … without any inhibitions whatsoever, she jumped into my arms like a triumphant athlete who’d just won the gold medal. I twirled her around as we celebrated. Fighting through these trials together ingrains deep appreciation, makes envy seem ridiculous, and gets us looking beyond flaws that would ordinarily drive us apart.
Third, and most important, when trials strike, God shows Himself strong.
And that’s not just happy pastor-talk. God brought us together. God has moved us from state to state. God has sustained our love. God has been and, by His grace, will be the great subject of our marriage. His work has been so obvious and profound that to put it any other way borders on blasphemy.
Danielle forgives my faults because God has forgiven her. Danielle sacrifices herself every day because God sacrificed His Son for her. Danielle raises our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord because God has tenderly cared for her. Danielle comforts me precisely because God has comforted her.
And God does all of this for His eternal glory. I feel a bit like Adam the first time he laid eyes on Eve. Adam woke up, saw God’s latest creation, and broke into poetry praising God: “This is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” Now, ladies, that might not sound very poetic at first, but you should know two things. First, Adam used this phraseology in a superlative sense, ie, “This is the most profoundly exquisite creation that ever could have come from me.” Second, Adam’s first recorded speech was poetry expressing amazed gratitude for his wife. And if all that still doesn’t ring romantic, just remember it was his first try.
So, if I could encourage all my fellow husbands on Friday, February 13 … God is glorified when we praise our wives. He created your marriage. He sustains your marriage through the trials that He allows so that you’ll have an ever-growing appreciation for your wife and for His grace. God is the great subject of your marriage. Despising it through active treachery or derelict nonchalance deeply offends the God of all grace.
To Danielle, thank you. Thank you for unconditional love, for being my best friend, for sharing your life, and for grace with no hesitation at all. My love for you grows every day and I can hardly wait to spend the rest of my life with you.
